My Love-Hate Relationship with Social Media – And Why It Matters for Our Kids
I have a confession to make.
For someone who runs a community about digital balance, I spend a lot of time on social media. LinkedIn, to be precise. It’s essential for my work, for networking, for growing my business. In many ways, it’s a necessary evil—one I justify because it’s “professional.”
Instagram? That’s another story. I deleted it. Well, mostly. I’ll reinstall it if I need a recipe or want to check in on family photos, but I’m acutely aware of the pull. It starts with an innocent search for a dinner idea and suddenly, I’m watching a stranger’s morning routine in the French countryside or analyzing an interior designer’s perfectly curated living room. Rabbit hole, meet me.
But here’s the thing: my nearly 14-year-old daughter doesn’t have social media. She isn’t allowed it. Not yet. And that decision isn’t just about protecting her from the dangers we all know are out there—it’s about something more fundamental. It’s about leading by example.
I can’t tell her social media is addictive while I’m mindlessly scrolling. I can’t expect her to be present if I’m half-listening while double-tapping posts. And I can’t encourage her to build confidence in herself while I fall into the comparison trap of highlight reels and filtered realities.
This is the hard truth for parents. We can’t influence our kids to have a healthier relationship with technology if we’re not actively working on our own.
Are We Practicing What We Preach?
We talk a lot about screen time for kids. About how much is too much, about what age is appropriate, about whether we should allow them access at all. But how often do we hold up a mirror to our own habits?
Are we checking emails at the dinner table while telling them to put their phones away?
Are we posting on social media about “being present” while missing real-life moments?
Are we endlessly scrolling before bed, then telling them screens disrupt sleep?
It’s easy to focus on their screen habits because, frankly, it’s harder to look at our own.
The Parent Paradox: Digital and Disconnected
Here’s what I’ve realised. We live in a world where being online is, in many ways, unavoidable. Whether it’s for work, social connection, or convenience, digital is deeply woven into our lives. But the paradox is that the more connected we are online, the more disconnected we can become from the people right in front of us.
And that’s the challenge we face as parents. We don’t just need to set boundaries for our kids—we need to set them for ourselves.
For me, that has meant:
✅ Keeping social media off my phone unless I have a specific reason to use it.
✅ Setting clear “offline” hours, especially in the evening.
✅ Leaving my phone in another room when I’m spending time with my daughter.
✅ Being intentional about how and why I use social media—asking myself, Is this adding value, or is it just a distraction?
And you know what? It’s hard. It’s a constant work in progress.
But if we want to raise kids who aren’t dependent on validation from likes, who can sit with boredom instead of filling every gap with a screen, and who can build real relationships beyond a digital persona, we have to show them how.
The Debate We Need to Have
So here’s my challenge to you—what does leading by example actually look like for you?
If you expect your kids to manage their screen time, how are you managing yours?
If you don’t want them on social media yet, are you modeling a balanced relationship with it?
If you don’t want them reaching for their phone first thing in the morning, what’s the first thing you do?
This isn’t about guilt or perfection. It’s about awareness. About accountability. And about making sure we’re not asking our kids to do something we aren’t willing to do ourselves.
Let’s talk.
What’s your biggest struggle when it comes to practicing what you preach?
What boundaries have you put in place—successfully or not? And what needs to change?
Let’s be real. Let’s be honest. And let’s figure this out together.
The Secret Instagram Accounts: What My Daughter Taught Me About Social Media Pressures
It started like any other day, but it ended with a gut punch I didn’t see coming.
As a parent who thought I was navigating the digital age fairly well, I had always maintained open conversations with my daughter about social media. She knew our household rules: no Instagram until she was older, and even then, we’d discuss what healthy social media use looked like. I believed we were on the same page.
Then one day, I discovered she had not one but two secret Instagram accounts, accessed through a friend’s phone.
My initial reaction was a mix of heartbreak, anger, and disbelief. Where had I gone wrong? How could she go behind my back when I thought we had trust? But as the emotions settled, I realised this wasn’t just about her breaking a rule. It was about something much deeper—something every parent raising kids in this hyper-connected world needs to understand.
This experience became a pivotal moment, not just in our relationship but in my understanding of the pressures our kids face.
The Relentless Pull of Social Media
The first thing I had to accept was that my daughter wasn’t being rebellious or deceitful for the sake of it. She was responding to the immense pressure all kids face today: the need to belong.
Social media has become the new playground, and being left out of it can feel like being left out of the entire social fabric of their world. Teens and tweens are navigating friendships, peer approval, and their developing identities in an environment where everything is public, immediate, and often exaggerated.
Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat thrive on this. Algorithms are designed to keep users engaged, offering likes, comments, and notifications as digital breadcrumbs of validation. For kids, this becomes more than just entertainment—it’s an emotional lifeline.
In her mind, having an Instagram account wasn’t about posting selfies or following trends. It was about not being the only one in her group without one.
The Social Media Dilemma for Parents
This experience forced me to confront an uncomfortable truth: no matter how clear our rules or how much we communicate, the pull of social media can outweigh our best efforts.
Parents today are fighting a battle on two fronts:
Protecting our kids from the dangers of social media—addiction, comparison, cyberbullying, and the impact on mental health.
Helping them navigate the undeniable reality that social media is also a major part of their social lives.
For many of us, the instinct is to clamp down harder—ban the apps, take away devices, or enforce stricter rules. But as I learned, these approaches often backfire. The more we make something off-limits, the more enticing it becomes.
What’s needed is a balance between boundaries and understanding, between setting limits and building trust.
Rebuilding Trust and Connection
When I sat down with my daughter to discuss what had happened, I made a conscious choice to focus on the why rather than the what. Why had she felt the need to create those accounts? What was she looking for? What pressures was she feeling?
It wasn’t an easy conversation. There were tears, apologies, and moments of silence. But it opened a door for us to talk about things I hadn’t fully understood before:
The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): She explained how left out she felt when friends talked about posts, comments, and inside jokes from Instagram.
The Need for Validation: Social media provided a space where she could express herself and receive feedback—a concept that’s intoxicating for any teenager.
Peer Pressure: It wasn’t just about wanting an account; it was about fitting in with her friend group, many of whom had no restrictions on their own social media use.
These insights changed my perspective. It wasn’t just about trust or rule-breaking; it was about helping her build resilience against these pressures while still feeling connected to her peers.
Creating a Safe Space for Parents and Kids
This experience with my daughter was one of the driving forces behind Unplugged Tribe. I realised that if I was struggling with these challenges, other parents must be too. And yet, so many of us feel isolated, afraid to ask for help, or unsure where to turn.
Unplugged Tribe is designed to be a judgment-free zone—a place where we can share their struggles, learn from experts, and connect with others who understand the complexities of raising kids in the digital age.
Through tools, resources, and community support, I want to help you navigate everything from managing screen time to fostering offline connections. And just as importantly, we remind parents that it’s okay to be human—to make mistakes, to feel overwhelmed, and to ask for help. That's why I created this Tribe.
What’s the Big Deal About Boredom? Why Your Tween Needs It
As parents, many of us have heard the dreaded words: “I’m bored.” Maybe your tween has even repeated it so often you’ve felt a pang of guilt—like you’re not doing enough to keep them entertained. But what if I told you that boredom isn’t something to fear? In fact, it’s one of the greatest gifts you can give your tween.
In today’s hyper-connected world, where smartphones, gaming consoles, and endless YouTube videos provide constant stimulation, boredom has become almost extinct. But this "quiet time" plays a critical role in your child’s emotional resilience, creativity, and personal growth. So, let’s unpack why boredom matters—and why it’s okay to embrace those “I’m bored” moments.
Why Are Today’s Kids Rarely Bored?
While technology offers plenty of benefits, this constant stimulation leaves little room for something essential: boredom. And when kids aren’t bored, they miss out on opportunities to explore, reflect, and imagine.
While technology offers plenty of benefits, this constant stimulation leaves little room for something essential: boredom. And when kids aren’t bored, they miss out on opportunities to explore, reflect, and imagine.
The Science Behind Boredom
In a 2020 study published in Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts, researchers found that participants who engaged in boring tasks performed better on creative exercises afterward. Why? Boredom forces the brain to seek stimulation internally, fostering imagination and new ideas.
Dr. Sandi Mann, author of The Upside of Downtime, puts it this way: “Boredom is like a reset button for the brain. It allows kids to process their experiences, develop resilience, and think more creatively.”
Why Your Tween Needs Boredom
Boredom isn’t just beneficial—it’s crucial for your tween’s development. Here’s why:
1. Boredom Fosters Creativity
When kids aren’t spoon-fed entertainment, they’re forced to use their imagination. That empty afternoon might lead them to build a fort, write a story, or invent a new game with their siblings. Without the structure of constant activities, creativity has the space to thrive.
2. Boredom Builds Emotional Resilience
Life isn’t always exciting, and that’s okay. Learning to sit with boredom teaches kids how to manage discomfort and find fulfillment in the mundane. It’s a skill that builds patience, problem-solving, and independence.
3. Boredom Encourages Self-Discovery
Without the distraction of screens, your tween has time to explore their interests. They might discover they love painting, gardening, or building models—not because someone suggested it, but because they had the space to find it themselves.
4. Boredom Promotes Rest
In a world of overstimulation, boredom provides much-needed mental rest. It gives your tween’s brain a chance to recharge, process emotions, and reflect on their experiences.
The Struggle: “But I’m Bored!”
Let’s be honest—hearing “I’m bored” isn’t always easy, especially when you’re juggling work, chores, and other responsibilities. The temptation to hand over a device or suggest an activity is strong. But boredom doesn’t need to be filled. Sometimes, the best response is no response at all.
What to say instead:
“It’s okay to be bored. I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
“Being bored is part of life. What do you think you’ll do with your time?”
How to Create Space for Boredom
Here are some practical ways to foster boredom in a healthy, productive way:
1. Limit Screen Time
Set boundaries around device use. For example, designate certain times of the day as screen-free zones, like during meals or after school. Encourage your tween to explore other activities during this time.
2. Provide Open-Ended Resources
Offer materials that spark creativity without dictating how they should be used. Think art supplies, building blocks, or a box of random household items for crafting.
3. Don’t Over-Schedule
It’s tempting to fill every hour with activities, but overscheduling leaves little room for downtime. Leave gaps in your tween’s day for unstructured play or relaxation.
4. Lead by Example
Show your child that boredom isn’t something to fear. Model how you use quiet moments to read, journal, or simply sit and think.
Final Thoughts
Boredom isn’t the enemy—it’s an opportunity. By allowing your tween to experience downtime, you’re giving them the tools to be creative, resilient, and self-aware. It might feel uncomfortable at first—for both of you—but the long-term benefits are worth it.
So, the next time your tween says, “I’m bored,” take a deep breath and resist the urge to fix it. Instead, smile and say, “Good. Let’s see where it takes you.”
What has your child discovered when boredom strikes?
Food for thought ..
"When was the last time your tween or teen said, 'I’m bored'? How did you respond?
"What are some activities your child has discovered or enjoyed as a result of being bored?"
"Do you think we, as parents, feel pressured to fill every moment of our kids’ time? How do you handle that pressure?"
"What do you remember about being bored as a child?