The Secret Instagram Accounts: What My Daughter Taught Me About Social Media Pressures
It started like any other day, but it ended with a gut punch I didn’t see coming.
As a parent who thought I was navigating the digital age fairly well, I had always maintained open conversations with my daughter about social media. She knew our household rules: no Instagram until she was older, and even then, we’d discuss what healthy social media use looked like. I believed we were on the same page.
Then one day, I discovered she had not one but two secret Instagram accounts, accessed through a friend’s phone.
My initial reaction was a mix of heartbreak, anger, and disbelief. Where had I gone wrong? How could she go behind my back when I thought we had trust? But as the emotions settled, I realised this wasn’t just about her breaking a rule. It was about something much deeper—something every parent raising kids in this hyper-connected world needs to understand.
This experience became a pivotal moment, not just in our relationship but in my understanding of the pressures our kids face.
The Relentless Pull of Social Media
The first thing I had to accept was that my daughter wasn’t being rebellious or deceitful for the sake of it. She was responding to the immense pressure all kids face today: the need to belong.
Social media has become the new playground, and being left out of it can feel like being left out of the entire social fabric of their world. Teens and tweens are navigating friendships, peer approval, and their developing identities in an environment where everything is public, immediate, and often exaggerated.
Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat thrive on this. Algorithms are designed to keep users engaged, offering likes, comments, and notifications as digital breadcrumbs of validation. For kids, this becomes more than just entertainment—it’s an emotional lifeline.
In her mind, having an Instagram account wasn’t about posting selfies or following trends. It was about not being the only one in her group without one.
The Social Media Dilemma for Parents
This experience forced me to confront an uncomfortable truth: no matter how clear our rules or how much we communicate, the pull of social media can outweigh our best efforts.
Parents today are fighting a battle on two fronts:
Protecting our kids from the dangers of social media—addiction, comparison, cyberbullying, and the impact on mental health.
Helping them navigate the undeniable reality that social media is also a major part of their social lives.
For many of us, the instinct is to clamp down harder—ban the apps, take away devices, or enforce stricter rules. But as I learned, these approaches often backfire. The more we make something off-limits, the more enticing it becomes.
What’s needed is a balance between boundaries and understanding, between setting limits and building trust.
Rebuilding Trust and Connection
When I sat down with my daughter to discuss what had happened, I made a conscious choice to focus on the why rather than the what. Why had she felt the need to create those accounts? What was she looking for? What pressures was she feeling?
It wasn’t an easy conversation. There were tears, apologies, and moments of silence. But it opened a door for us to talk about things I hadn’t fully understood before:
The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): She explained how left out she felt when friends talked about posts, comments, and inside jokes from Instagram.
The Need for Validation: Social media provided a space where she could express herself and receive feedback—a concept that’s intoxicating for any teenager.
Peer Pressure: It wasn’t just about wanting an account; it was about fitting in with her friend group, many of whom had no restrictions on their own social media use.
These insights changed my perspective. It wasn’t just about trust or rule-breaking; it was about helping her build resilience against these pressures while still feeling connected to her peers.
Creating a Safe Space for Parents and Kids
This experience with my daughter was one of the driving forces behind Unplugged Tribe. I realised that if I was struggling with these challenges, other parents must be too. And yet, so many of us feel isolated, afraid to ask for help, or unsure where to turn.
Unplugged Tribe is designed to be a judgment-free zone—a place where we can share their struggles, learn from experts, and connect with others who understand the complexities of raising kids in the digital age.
Through tools, resources, and community support, I want to help you navigate everything from managing screen time to fostering offline connections. And just as importantly, we remind parents that it’s okay to be human—to make mistakes, to feel overwhelmed, and to ask for help. That's why I created this Tribe.
